mission fishes

Women's erotic writing group begins next week in San Francisco!

Happy New Year, all!

Happy New Year!
I wanted to spread the word about an erotic writing group for women survivors of sexual violence begins next Monday:

~Declaring Our Erotic
8 Monday evenings, 6:30-9:00pm, beginning 1/12
Open to all women survivors of sexual trauma

Read on for more info about Declaring Our Erotic, and please let me know if you have any questions or would like to register -- I'd love to write with you!

In solidarity and with gratitude,

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

*Declaring Our Erotic*
8 Monday evenings, 6:30-9:00pm, beginning January 12, 2015
Open to all women survivors of sexual trauma
Groups meet in downtown Oakland, near public transportation
Cost is $375 (payment plans and partial scholarships available)
FMI: visit writingourselveswhole.org

Description: We each need safe space in which to celebrate our whole erotic selves. In the Declaring Our Erotic workshop, you'll gather with other women survivors* of sexual trauma and try your hand at some explicit erotic writing. In so doing, you will get more comfortable exploring and talking about sexual desires, explore the varied and complex aspects of sexuality and desire, receive strong and focused feedback about your new writing!

* Please note: all self-identified women are welcome

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

No previous writing experience necessary! These Amherst Writers and Artists model workshops are held in Oakland, close to BART and other public transportation. Spaces are limited, and pre-registration is required. To register or for more information, email jennifer@writingourselveswhole.org or visit www.writingourselveswhole.org!

At Writing Ourselves Whole, we actively work to engage the stories that are hardest to tell or write, and create spaces intended to allow for risky writing and powerful support.

About your facilitator: Jen Cross is a freelance writer whose work has been published in more than thirty anthologies and periodicals. She has facilitated erotic and survivors writing workshops since 2002. She received her MA in Transformative Language Arts from Goddard College, and is a certified facilitator of the Amherst Writers & Artists method (http://www.amherstwriters.com/)

Please feel welcome to pass this message along to others you think would be interested in these workshops! Want to stay in the loop about what's coming up at Writing Ourselves Whole? You can join our mailing list here: http://bit.ly/PGmmlj

Female Sexuality Wars: The Archipelago of Regret

xposted from my LJ

You may have heard that the FDA this week refused permission to German drug company Boehringer Ingelheim to market a new female libido pill they'd developed with the catchy name flibanserin.

You heard wrong. The maker had NO EVIDENCE that it enhances female desire for sex any more than so much distilled water, and made, so far as I know, no claims that it does.

Why were reputable newspapers filled with false headlines then? Because our culture only intermittently and reluctantly acknowledges any distinction between physical genital engorgement, sexual desire, and having lots of sex.Collapse )

The Last Word

Oh, I should explain the title of this piece, shouldn't I?
A NYTimes piece about the drug quotes NYU Professor Leonore Tiefer as follows:
Women’s sex lives are often a struggle, a disappointment, an archipelago of regret.... Is there a small group of women who could benefit from medical intervention — probably. [But] the much larger group of women without any medical reason for their sexual distress will inevitably be misinformed and misled into thinking that there is a pill that can get them the sex life they read about, the one they think everyone else is having.

(no subject)

What is pornography? What is erotica? What is the difference between the two? Is there a difference at all?

I often see the word "erotica" used to describe written word or "softcore" images, while "pornography" is used to refer strictly to images that are considered "hardcore." Although both are materials that aim to sexually arouse the consumer, the two words have very different connotations. Erotica is viewed as less-deviant, more loving, more intellectually stimulating, and more intimate. Pornography is deviant, purely sexual, with no socially redeeming characteristics. Somehow, this doesn't seem right to me. I'm not so sure there is much of a difference at all. Erotica and pornography are, instead, two different versions of the same thing. One is not superior over the other and erotica is not necessarily any less "pornographic."

What are your thoughts?

Acting Like a Man

xposted to vaginapagina 

I dressed up as a man once.  I bound my breasts, put on a moustache, and walked without moving my hips.  With a high femme friend, I took the subway to a drag king show, where I made a date with the runner up.  Other than that, I've lived as a woman. 

It's ironic, then, that when I create a manifesta on OKC with my breasts as a userpic, I get asked repeatedly if I'm really just "acting like a man." 

I get the question, I think: If I'm switching roles by sleeping around, then am I guilty of the same behavior I'm criticizing? 

The answer to that question is no.

After my first casual fuck, I went over to my confidante's house.  "I did it," I told her.  "I can do it."

I didn't just mean that I could disengage sex from romantic relationships.  I meant that I proved to myself that I could do so ethically

It wasn't easy to be ethical: I recognized the desire to dress up fucking with romantic kink and indulge in a fantasy of leaving my awful single life behind.  It was so tempting to whisper a lot of sweet bullshit into his ear, to sleep over, to let him think there would be more.  I also recognized the urge to flee, to blow him off, to sever all ties in the hopes I could avoid any awkward feelings. 

But I refused to give in to those urges, so I know it's possible to do.  That night, I felt an odd mixture of condemnation and forgiveness for the men who pushed me to this choice: I understood how powerful the urge is to act like a cowardly jerk, but I also knew it was possible to resist the temptation.  That night, I decided to write this manifesta, because I hoped that other men might also resist the urge to act like Jack in Sideways and the man who was my last straw.  Then I wanted to find them and fuck them. 

There are also faulty assumptions behind the question about "acting like a man."  The assumptions are both sexist and anti-male.  

I object to whispering sweet bullshit into women's ears to get sex.  I object to being too lazy or clueless to figure out what you want and too dishonest to admit that you don't know what you want.  I object to men being clueless, callous cowards, because I know there's another way. 

I don't object to men (and women) wanting to have sex. I don't object to casual sex.  I also don't think that doing those things = "acting like a man."  Equating having casual sex with "acting like a man" is sexist. 

The suggestion that I'm "acting like a man" is also based on the assumption that you can simply interchange male and female behavior in the first place.  Doing so ignores the fact that male and female sexuality are regulated very differently in our culture.  Women aren't supposed to seek out and enjoy sex with multiple partners.  They're supposed to be selective with their mates.  They're supposed to barter sex for emotional security,  romantic love, and domesticity.  Men are supposed to avoid this trap at all costs.  According to this logic, I can never act "like a man" because we already have a term for a woman who acts like I do: slut. 

I wonder, then, if calling my slutty behavior "acting like a man" reflects a desire to regulate my sexuality.  The question implies that I should stop what I'm doing because I'm guilty of transgression.  

It also assumes that "acting like a man" means acting like a jackass, which is profoundly anti-man.  I don't think man should = jackass.  I don't think one gender has cornered the market on bad behavior.  I do think men have cornered the market on this particular type of bad behavior.

I'd like to consign the phrase "acting like a man" to the dustbin of pre-feminist history.  Instead, I'd like to see more people act as ethically as this slut tries to do.  I'd like the world to decide that the only person who needs to regulate slutty behavior is the slut him- or herself. 

And if I find that man who really acts like a slut in the best possible way, maybe I'll whisper sweet truths into his ear, and maybe I'll sleep over, and maybe I'll let myself imagine romantic love and emotional security, and maybe I'll let him know there can be more, and maybe I'll invite him to join me in making it up as we go along.

And then I'll wrap one long leg around his waist and press my other calf against his shoulder and beg him to fuck me into sweetness and delight. 

Consent in SM and Sideways

x-posted from my own journal. 

I met a man in a bar who told me he was in an abusive relationship. His girlfriend was beating him, throwing him down stairs, locking him in the basement, and burning him. He was afraid to go back because he thought that she would kill him.

Then I noticed that while we were talking, he was rubbing his dick and I realized that telling me about the abuse was part of his kinky fantasy. Having me believe the story made his fantasy more pleasurably real, but it also made him a jackass.

the rest of the storyCollapse )

(no subject)

I live in Rhode Island, the only state in the USA in which indoor prostitution is currently decriminalized. However, this may be about to change: a bill has been written and has already passed the state senate and house judiciary committees which would make indoor prostitution illegal and punishable for both clients and prostitutes by prison sentences and substantial fines. Clauses are written into the bill to protect victims of sex trafficking (largely due to the efforts of University of Rhode Island professor and sex trafficking activist Donna Hughes) but members of this community are undoubtedly aware of how meager those protections would actually turn out to be - many of the victims of sex trafficking in Rhode Island are immigrant women from East Asia, and so of course they are in danger from the law as well as from the "massage parlors" which generally advertise their services.

And, of course, there's the simple fact that society hates prostitutes.Collapse )

Kink-friendly resources for teens?

I'm getting ready to update my personal site for the first time in several years. In the time since I last dis so, I've found out that the owner of Scarleteen, the otherwise-admirable Heather Corinna, is convinced that kinky people are broken.

So. If anyone knows of a similar site that will not scold young people with dominant or submissive fantasies for their "woman-hatred," I'd love to offer a link to that instead.

Tonight @ CineKink... 'Wanton Female Desire' !!!

CineKink NYC presents…

Friday, February 27 - 9:00 PM

"Wanton Female Desire" (Shorts Program)
What is it that a woman wants? Most of the answers are infinitely varied, but the shorts in this celebration of female pleasure will help guide you in one generally appropriate direction.

Program includes:

Read more...Collapse )

Billing itself as "the really alternative film festival," CineKink NYC returns for its sixth annual appearance February 24-March 1, 2009, to be followed by a national showcase tour. Presented by CineKink, an organization dedicated to the recognition and encouragement of sex-positive and kink-friendly depictions in film and television, works featured at CineKink range from documentary to drama, camp comedy to hot porn, mildly spicy to quite explicit - and everything in between.

For more information, visit http://www.cinekink.com